Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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