I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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