I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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