Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
