areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
