WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
