I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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