I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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