i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
