he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
