I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize