weddingsv make me drug and hornr
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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