waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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