question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So squirting runs in the family.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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