he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
