Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize