so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
