Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
