He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
