she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize