I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
