am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
