Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
how drunk are you?
Several
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its liver damage thursday
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
