it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
