I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
