oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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