South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
