your parents love me but you hate me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
