you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
