yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
