Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
