oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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