I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
