Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
