if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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