Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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