FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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