i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
