I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize