My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
