So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
