end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
