just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
