smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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