I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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