He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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