Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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