we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
