Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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