the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
