walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
