Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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