just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
