walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
