Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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