Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize