I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
