Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
