My hand turned me down
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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