Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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