how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
