She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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