I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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