my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it's like heaven, but drunker
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
