I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize