If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
