I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
