Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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